I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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