Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
