She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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