Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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