Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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