Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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