I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
