smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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