State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
