Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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