There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
