i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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