I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
