it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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