You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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