Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
