he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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