dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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