i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
