grandma shit on top of the toilet
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize