I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
