The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
