Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
