Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
