i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
