Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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