lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
