I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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