Please, let me fuck your mom
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
His hands were made for my vagina.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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