i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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