thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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