I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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