It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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