I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
