we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
