The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
