His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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