btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
