i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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