Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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