u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize