sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
