So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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