There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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