____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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