honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
