Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
