You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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