Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
