So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
