it hurts more in the daytime
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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