i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize