no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
