he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
