Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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