Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
