spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
