We need to rekindle our bromance
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
