Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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