There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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