My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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