Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
