I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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