they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
